Professor Low, a German biochemist who now works in Colombia (biochemists are, for some reason, increasingly in demand in Colombia these days), has developed an intriguing new theory regarding the cause and treatment of migraine headaches. He believes that migraines result from low blood sugar (hypoglycemia), caused by an excess of insulin produced by the pancreas, in response to taking in too much sugar as food. The answer, according to our boy from Brazil--I mean Colombia--is to eliminate refined sugar from the diet (your food, not the Japanese parliament), and to eat lots of complex carbohydrates (pasta, spaetzle, bagels), fruits, and vegetables six times a day.
Never mind that the book is loaded with scientific misinformation, is replete with anecdotes of friends and colleagues whom the author has miraculously cured, and has every earmark of pure quackery. The proof is in the pudding (bread pudding, of course--no sugar added). Professor Low himself had migraines throughout his early life, and with the elimination of sugar from his diet, has been headache-free for years.
Here, for the medically unsophisticated, is
the definition of a migraine: it is a headache that is bad--really bad--and
go away with two aspirin.
Now, I too get migraines from time to time. I gave Professor Low's theories some thought, and decided to go one step further. If eating sugar was harmful, and eating lasagna was beneficial, then I would go right to the source of the problem. I would eat...pancreas!
It's not so easy to find pancreas. You can try asking for sweetbreads at your local butcher shop. If the shop is in a lower-class neighborhood, the butcher will stare at you, wondering why you would want innards that he wouldn't throw to a dog. In an upper-class butcherie, the owner has already sold what sweetbreads he can get to a high-priced restaurant.
The best place to get pancreas is in that restaurant. Here is how it goes:
"I'll have the sweetbreads."
"Oui, monsieur. Ris de veau. A discerning choice."
"And leave out the thymus and the lymph glands. Just bring me pancreas."
"I have a headache."