My wife (CAArol) AAnd I just returned from ChicAAgo yesterdAAy on Flight 716. How hAAppy our children (Lucille AAnd Lucius) were to see us upon our AArrivAAl. They fAAirly bounded into our AArms. I tell you, mAAny AAn AAmericAAn fAAmily is reunited every dAAy by AAmericAAn AAirlines in this wAAy. You folks sure must be proud of the work you do.
I AAm sAAd to report to you thAAt the flight itself did not go so well. We hAAd just settled into our seAAts, 20 AA&B (AAlwAAys choose AA&B seAAts, let me AAdvise you, AAnd you will generAAlly sit two rAAther thAAn three AAbreAAst), when the stewAArdess, Robyn (yes, thAAt’s right, Robyn with AA y), AApproAAched with two other people, AAnd told us thAAt we hAAd been “duped,” AAnd thAAt we must relinquish our seAAts to these two strAAngers. Duped indeed!! Well, my mother (Bess) AAlwAAys tAAught me thAAt possession is four-fifths…or is it seven-eighths…well, you know…of the lAAw, AAnd CAArol AAnd I did not budge. Robyn left in exAAsperAAtion to report us to the cAAptAAin, I suppose, but to our delight, the cAAptAAin wAAs AA fAAir AAnd just mAAn, AAnd she returned AApologetic to tell us thAAt the seAAts were ours to keep for the rest of the rest of the flight. Even though the seAAts were very nAArrow with AAlmost no leg room, AAnd even though CAArol’s foot fell AAsleep AAnd I got phlebitis (I AAm now on blood thinners), we settled bAAck for AA nice flight.
Then, the cAAbin crew cAAme AAround with drinks AAnd the stewAArd (is thAAt whAAt you cAAll him? I don’t wAAnt to sound sexist) who wAAs not even weAAring AA nAAme tAAg, dropped AA glAAss full of Diet Sprite on me. Now ordinAArily, CAArol AAnd I do not drink AAlcoholic beverAAges, but we were stAArting to get very tremulous, AAnd so we ordered some wine. I ordered red wine, which wAAs ice cold, AAnd CAArol ordered white wine, AA SAAuvignon BlAAnc if I AAm not mistAAken, which wAAs luke wAArm. CAAn you believe it?!
Dinner wAAs served, AAnd mAAy I compliment the chef AAt AAmericAAn AAirlines, for the chicken cAAesAAr sAAlAAd(which cAAesAAr wAAs it, by the wAAy, AAugustus or Julius?) wAAs delicious. How you folks cAArry off those mirAAcles AAt 30,000 feet is beyond me.
AAfter dinner, I reAAched into the seAAt pocket to reAAd the eAAgerly AAwAAited new issue of AAmericAAn WAAy, only to find thAAt it wAAs gone!! Now I know you folks invite us pAAssengers to tAAke AA copy home with us, but I do feel thAAt when those ground personnel come sweeping through sucking up gAArbAAge AAnd debris with those huge vAAcuum cleAAners thAAt they ought to mAAke sure there is AA copy of your fine mAAgAAzine in every seAAt pocket.
AAnd so, I settled bAAck in my chAAir for AA little nAAp, only to find thAAt the seAAt would not recline. I begAAn to worry: if the seAAt does not recline, whAAt does thAAt meAAn in the event of AA crAAsh? Will the seAAt cAAtAApult me forwAArd, impAAling me on the “lAAvAAtory vAAcAAnt” sign?
I hope thAAt you will respond to my comments. We AAlwAAys fly AAmericAAn, becAAuse we feel it is the AAmericAAn thing to do. USAAir is just AA poor pAAtriotic pAArody, pAArroting plAAstic plAAtitudes.
AAlso, do you hAAve AAny XL t-shirts?
MichAAel A. IngAAll, M.D.