December 11, 1989
McCalls Macalls McCall’s:
My family and I just
love your magazine. We have some very excellent ideas and feedback that
we are eager to share with you.
The article on Jaclyn Smith was excellent. She is so beautiful, but at the same time wholesome. That is what America is all about, isn't it!! It is important to show her at home, with her family. Sometimes I mix her up with Jackie Kennedy--I call her Jackie Kennedy, because I don't like to call her Jackie O., because why rub it in that she was married to that Greek dwarf who looked like an aging frog, when we could remember her as she really was, married to the best President we ever had, and gracious and sophisticated, holding her head high, and every hair in place, even though her white suit was covered with her husband's blood and brains. That is real class. Once, my family and I saw her in The Tavern on the Green when we were spending a weekend sightseeing in New York. You can imagine how excited we were. She was eating with some older Jewish man. Of course, he was no Jack Kennedy, but at least he wasn't some Greek tree frog. Anyway, you would be surprised to learn that her table manners could use some improvement. She ordered two fried eggs, and what she did with them when they arrived at her table, I could not possibly write in this letter. Just let's say that she could stand to read Charlotte Ford's column in MacCall's on Etiquette, which I find impeccable.
Dr. Lee Salk's column
on raising your children is very good, but we must remember that he is
only a psychologist. They call
themselves "Doctor", you know, but they are not really doctors, and they cannot prescribe medication. Only psychiatrists can
prescribe medication. This is very important. My son Peter was really disturbed, and we took him to a child psychologist, and he
remained a shtoonk without any improvement. But when we took him to a psychiatrist, who gave him Ritalin (and he also gave me a
wonderful pill called Xanax, which I recommend to everyone at Maccalls, and to all the readers and consumers), he turned into a
wonderful young man. You should have a psychiatrist write the column, not a lousy psychologist.
Also, you should have
little columns like they do in my very favorite American magazine, The
Reader's Digest, like
"The Most Unforgettable character I Ever Ever Met," and "Life in These United States." Little anecdotes that readers send in can be so humorous, and also inspiring and revealing about what life in these United States is all about. For example:
A young woman graduates from Business School and comes to New York to become an investment banker. She has stars in her eyes for New York and Wall Street and the Dreyfus Fund. She gets on an elevator to go to the 53rd floor at the World Trade Center, and the elevator stops at the 3rd floor, and who walks in, but Donald Trump. The two of them are in the elevator alone, and she turns to him, and says:
"Oh, Mr. Trump! You are the person on Earth that I admire most, and to be alone on the same elevator with you, it's just too
much! Mr. Trump...can I give you a blow job?
And Donald Trump looks at her and says, "Yeah,but what's in it for me?
And so, Mccalls, I would like to be on the Consumer Panel, and I have enclosed the required coupon, but first, I would like to know: WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
In closing, this above all: more recipes, please!
Priscilla P. Phunn