Mr. Sanford I. KrollDecember 17, 1986
Dear Mr. Kroll:
Word has reached me through the health care
industry network that you have been soliciting bids for a supply of
MAX-EPA capsules in large quantities.
As always, RIGHA seeks to be at the cutting edge of the health care delivery system, and wishes, in the spirit of keeping the costs of health care at a minimum through the judicious use of innovative alternatives, to make you the following offer.
We are prepared to offer you and your consortium of cheap Jewish cardiac neurotics a supply of premium Taiwanese whitefish heads. Each head contains not less than 18 mg. of 3,4 desoxyheptobutyric acid and 12 mg. of 2,3 acetoethacrynic acid, the recommended proportion of these two, you should pardon the expression, "essential" omega oils. Our supplier is none other than Bob Lee himself--not the infamous Bob Lee of Cambridge (who is actually Robert Leibovitz, a pre-med dropout from the University of Miami), but the real Bob Lee of Bob Lee's Islander restaurant in Boston's Chinatown district.
The whitefish heads are harvested daily from the dumpster at the back of Bob Lee's Islander, and shipped fresh to you, wrapped in clean copies of the Jewish Advocate, the house journal at the Islander. You may find occasional pieces of straw mushroom and bean sprouts, but please be assured that we remove all traces of pork strips, shrimp tempura, and other repugnant tarfoos from the product,
We are prepared to ship you our EPA whitefish heads in quantities no less than three tons (approximately 19,287 heads), at a cost of only $15.98 per ton plus shipping (unfortunately, shipping comes to $123.50 per ton, given the unforgivable restrictions placed on our shipping company, United Waste Haulers, by your governor).
If you and the members of your cartel will each suck on 87 whitefish heads four times a day, you will receive the daily dose of omega oils recommended by your esteemed (hoo-ha!), you should excuse the expression, internists.
Please give me your response by December 20, as we cannot promise Christmas delivery for orders received after that date.
Charles M, Cutler, M.D.