Hello, I'm Uncle John,. I am related to Neal through marriage..
[ I am his daughter, Andrea, a star in my own right].
We are definitely "not blood".
First of all, thank you Neal & Andy for selecting the little Red School House. I grew up in this neighborhood and played in front of this school many times. I couldn't go to this school because my parents were Republicans......
[Andrea reads her e-mail to Katherine]
So, We're basically here to make fun of Neal because we know that he really enjoys it. This is Neal when he was four.....If you remember, the invitation said to dress snappy. So first, Andrea will read a short poem:
[ An Ode to Snappiness, by Andrea
Are you happy that we look snappy
Upon your wedding day?
'Cause if you're happy that we're snappy
Then we're all happy and... glad......
We live in Arizona. Neal came out to visit in April. We met him at the
airport. We went to get his baggage [Andy, Neal has a lot of baggage].
He got all excited because he thought it was a realcarousel...... Anyway,
we got his baggage [and got him off the carousel]. Neal took me aside and
asked me if I would say a few words at this show..He said "You can be irreverent".
[As if you had something nice to say].
Anyway, we do love Neal and Andy very much. They're very special. I suppose I should say that upfront. I must tell you now, though, that I'm probably the only person in the family who knew Neal was gay from the time he was a very young boy. Do you remember, Neal? Remember when you wore this orange plaid jacket to our wedding?
[And remember when I used to ask you all kinds of questions and
never got a straight
At about the same time that Neal announced that he was gay, I converted to Judaism. So I tell everyone that my nephew and I came out at the same time.......
As I said, we moved to Arizona 2 years ago. When I learned that I was speaking tonight I called all our new friends in Arizona and asked if they knew any good jokes.
[Did both of them call you back?]
Yes, and gave me the usual gay jokes: "Are they registered at
Gay Mart?"," Who really is the best man" etc. etc. But we're
not going to use any of those..... Instead we've written a song in honor of Neal & Andy..........
.Someone said, I think it was me, that all the great song lyrics have already been written. Take, for example this one from my generation:
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the French I took,
But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you loved me too
What a wonderful world this would be.
[And here's a classic lyric from my generation:
You and me baby
Are nuthin but mammals.
So let's do it like they do
On the Discovery Channel.....]
Compare that to the song that Andrea & I have prepared just for this evening where it will be performed for the very first time anywhere.
[When the program is over, you will all be humming this as you go into
night air and try to find your cars.]
Can we have a volunteer from the audience
please? (Pick Uncle Marty)
"Neal & Andy" (to the tune of "Clementine")
Neal and Andy, Neal and Andy,
Neal and Andy, Neal and Andy.
Neal and Andy, Neal & Andy,
Neal & Andy, feelin dandy
(Repeat until you find your car)
Neal & Andy, we love you. We do birthday parties and anniversaries.....
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