Then came THE RACCOON!! We drove back to the Hirschtritts to find everyone staring warily at a small raccoon in the yard, who was behaving strangely, walking awkwardly, as though dazed, and looking thoroughly unhealthy. Was he rabid? The police were called, and two of Quogue’s finest had their moment of glory. Alighting from their patrol cars, they immediately drew their guns, 9mm Glocks.
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The raccoon recognized that he was about to meet his maker, and went under the cars. The cops asked for some meat to try and lure him out, and what does Nancy give them? Prosciutto di Parma at $20/lb! I couldn’t believe it! I guess that’s the way they do things in Quogue. They were finally able to roust him out, and one of them fired four very loud shots into the animal.
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The raccoon died like James Cagney in an old gangster movie, writhing and clawing with each shot, until he finally gave up the ghost and was still.

It was at once horrifying and fascinating. I have never seen anything shot.

Joel and I buried him behind the garage, and I said an Eyl Moleh. Adam refused to help, claiming that he was a Cohen.